Rejection

April 16, 2011 -- Thinking a lot about THE FEAR OF REJECTION over the last couple of days…

• We are a society frozen by a severe phobia of rejection.  Nearly every crime that is not a crime of self-defense or immediate response is a crime over the fear of rejection.  We say we are not accountable at all because of our fear of rejection.
• Erich and I are watching “Ken Burns’ The War” and I am struck by the lack of this fear among that generation.  I think the big difference is that then, regardless of race or economic status or geography, or even by other familial dysfunctions, people were raised with a feeling of worth that therefore led to a strong self-worth.  If someone was rejected, they put the fault on the rejector, not on themselves.  This is not the same as a lack of accountability.  What I mean is that if someone rejected them, they went on and said, “Well, I can’t please everybody.”  I truly believe that their self-worth was built from birth by family, by culture, by the notion of “American pride” that said anyone could be anything.
• Also, in past generations, elders were prized, appreciated, and exalted (whether they deserved it or not.)  In our society, where this is rarely the case, is it surprising that the fear of rejection makes us cling desperately to youth?
• Today, people are so afraid of rejection, not just who they revere or who are important to them, but we are afraid of being rejected by anyone.  A man killed his wife and three small children.  He then called 911 and said, “There’s been an accident.”  An accident?  See?  He is so afraid of being rejected by anyone, his ex, his children and even a 911 dispatcher.  (Erich said the dispatcher deserved a medal because Erich would have asked the guy why he didn’t use his last bullet on himself.) 
• A woman here in Orlando, a woman in her 40s, raped a 13-year-old.  I think pedophilia is the very definition of a fear of rejection.  These sickos choose the least likely person who has the power to reject them and then imposes themselves on the child. 
• Society is as afraid of rejection as much as the individual.  This is where “politically correctness” was born.  The phrase “I am offended” has become the creed of our new religion of rejection-phobics.  Broadcasters, publishers, and even our government leaders take more pains in not appearing to reject anyone that not only wisdom but also simple common sense is burned at the stake.  And in the suburbs, throngs of the rejected seek out their fiefdom in home owners’ associations where they can offend anyone and proselytize towards “non-offense”.
• What’s funny (or not so funny) is how Christianity has waned in this time.  It isn’t surprising though… we’ve heard that people in churches have rejected someone, so there’s no way we’re going to chance it ourselves.  Nothing in eternity is as scary as the fear of being rejected here on earth.

What’s even more ironic is the truth about the fear of rejection…  In our hearts we know that we don’t really have anything—no magic cure—to keep us from being rejected.  We are filled with dark thoughts and guilt over past deeds… the great “emperor’s new clothes” of our day and age is the notion that we’re all good people.  We cling to ideas that make us victims or incapable of being accountable.  Accountable will make us rejectable.  If we explore these feelings of how little we really have to offer the world, how much we may even deserve to be rejected, it’s at that point that we either choose to end it all (coward) or pray.  Chesterton called it the great paradox of Christianity: the way a trampled on, rejected, self-loathing nothing of a woman can find God and at once be exalted to the status of co-heir in the Kingdom. 
In Christ, I am a Princess!  I have worth!  With the indwelt Holy Spirit inside of me, I have no emotional investment—let me say that again—no emotional investment whatsoever whether… no, when anyone accepts or rejects Georgianna Sue Albright Schuttauf!  Who cares!  My Abba loves me!  Jesus loves me, this I KNOW. 
And the joy, the peace, the rescue from that fucking treadmill. 
Yes, I still face painful, personal rejection and I still don’t like it.  But, I am free, FREE, from a fear of rejection.
You can see how I have such an inexhaustible need to help others off of that treadmill and freedom from fear of rejection!  Who would sit at a feast and let someone go hungry just outside the window?
But (and this is a biggie), I have realized that there are worse things than being personally rejected.  When someone rejects the God I Love—the God Who Heals—the God Who Provides—the God Who Sees—Jesus, my Savior—tears well up in my eyes.  Of course, it isn’t sympathy for God; it is sympathy for the person.  I know they are still on that treadmill.
“For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more… To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some.” 1 Corinthians 9:19,22 (NASB)